The Phoney & Call-y Podcast

Tony and Johnny are the best of friends…but they live on separate coasts! Luckily, they’ve been able to keep their long-distance relationship fresh and vital through frequent, soul-nourishing phone conversations. The Phoney & Call-y Show presents these phone calls to you: the lonely idiot, to delight in an entertaining blend of banter, introspection, bickering, and improv bits!* *However, this podcast is not to be life-affirming, at all. Any relatable honesty Tony & Johnny display is purely for their own, therapeutic benefit. It’s not for you to feel better about your own life. That’s not what this is.

01:48:06 2022-07-04
The giggle-boys are being silly tickledicks, at the top of the pod. They titter about Harry Potter, old email accounts, and whether you have to be a hoarder to run a junkyard. Should it ever come down to it, in a survival situation, Johnny promises to kil...
01:33:47 2022-06-27
Tony is hard-selling Johnny on getting back into DayZ (a multiplayer, survival game without the speed of multiplayer, the satisfaction of survival, or the ability to accomplish anything.) And Johnny seems willing! They discuss the discomfort of participat...
01:35:35 2022-06-20
There’s a congressional hearing on UFOs! Tony finds UFO speculation endlessly fascinating. But sadly, try as he might, he cannot get Johnny on board. The circular logistics required to maintain such discussions feel tedious to him. Tony cannot hide his ...
01:42:52 2022-06-13
The cranks begin with another of their fussy, bicker sessions. Feelings are nearly hurt, but they pull back just in time and align their angst against the other members of their households who consistently fail to refill the toilet paper. Tony has experie...
01:26:03 2022-06-06
It’s a Threeway all day, as Green Crewman Gil Ozeri attends for the entire session! The 3 fren-amigos work out a complex system for who has to be sweet to whom. Then, Gil steers the conversation towards a concept of his called “Sexualis,” a whimsica...
01:49:31 2022-05-30
Excitement is in the air, as the boys ready their podcast for the arrival of Johnny’s vaunted mother, Sweet Susan! Tony’s in a bit of a lather after being chided by an audience member, following a standup show. They have a little trouble switching gea...
01:31:58 2022-05-23
Johnny’s nervous to test out his new wifi network. What if it doesn’t work well?! Meanwhile, Tony’s fresh from the doctor where he was informed that he has perfect hearing. When Johnny tries to test him by speaking softly, the whole thing devolves i...
01:08:51 2022-05-16
It’s the 30th episode! A famously important and difficult-to-achieve milestone in the life of any podcast. The triumphant hosts take a moment to “look back” at some of the classic skits, scraps, clips, & clits that have made theirs a standout among ...
01:37:24 2022-05-10
Do Tony & Johnny have anything to talk about anymore? Yes! They discuss the weather for a bit and depress themselves about the deteriorating environment and how horrible it will be to die of heat exposure. They reminisce about the joys of endless days spe...
01:22:51 2022-05-02
For reasons unexplained, Tony & Johnny are gone. But filling in, from the 24th century, are everyone’s favorite Federation stooges, Captain Picard and Lieutenant Worf! They’re the podcast’s biggest fans, and they’re recording on the Holodeck and b...
01:29:46 2022-04-25
Johnny is snuggled up in his bedroom, and Tony actually thinks his audio sounds good! Did he think it was bad before? The Cozy Couple considers the joys and horrors of picking one’s nose and consuming the findings. They ponder whether or not an asshole ...
01:37:54 2022-04-18
The boyz are back from their triumphant trip to SXSW! They express their gratitude that they’re both on the same social wavelength of wanting to hang out in relatively sedentary settings where snacks are available. Johnny’s mother moved to LA while he...
01:29:13 2022-04-11
With SXSW looming, our heroes discover that the payments they’re receiving for the festival are being structured differently (yes, a “travel buyout” is involved). It’s impossible to tell if they’re being treated equally, and that’s enough to u...
01:15:41 2022-04-04
Straight away, Johnny is frozen! Can’t participate. Tony fills time artfully, like the professional he is. Getting his shit together, Johnny does some limited bitching about the computer before the Vexed Varmints move on to discuss their inconsistent de...
01:05:14 2022-03-28
The professional hosts of this podcast have decided they dislike guests. So this episode doesn’t have one! Their relief at not having to talk to a third person leads quickly to some giddy (and yes, filthy!) improv! Tony delights as Johnny describes his ...
01:31:23 2022-03-21
It’s Valentine's Day and the bloom is off the rose for Johnny’s new computer! It sucks! Our Haughty Heroes are horrified at how quickly the love has faded. Moving on from the technical issues, we learn about Johnny’s successful doctor’s appointmen...
01:28:28 2022-03-14
Johnny’s got a new computer! Sure, it’s clean and pleasing now, but for how long?! The grown-men confront the dark enchantment their possessions have over them, and then Johnny shows off his partially-built birthday Lego! Soon after, Tony makes an inc...
01:12:31 2022-03-07
It’s Johnny’s pre-birthday, and Tony’s large gift is already causing a stir! In this episode, we learn why Tony can’t be an astrophysicist and that Johnny has never had a bad bank experience. Then, Tony proclaims them “gold-ribbon improvisers”...
01:19:11 2022-02-28
The boys are aglow after receiving a compliment about the podcast. Then, they get into their discomfort around compliments. When Tony disrupts the chat with a bizarre side-comment, the whole thing nearly comes off the rails. But luckily, they recoup just ...
01:20:16 2022-02-21
Tony’s crunchin’ and munchin’ on some Goldfish! When he’s called away suddenly, Johnny fills in with a hastily-thrown-together song parody. Upon his return, the dashing duo discusses how much Johnny loves sneaking and scaring, and how often Tony g...
01:23:11 2022-02-14
Excuses abound as we return to the fan-favorite segment “Fattest Friend!” This week’s winner may surprise you! Or maybe not! The baby boys discuss their lack of fashion sense, and then Sam Griffel struggles to get his headphones to work so he can jo...
01:35:11 2022-02-07
Behold, a horrifying ordeal that begins with the fellas re-recording the start of the episode because they had a terrible, un-airable fight, the first time around. They make up and sort of blame it all on holiday stress and low, winter light. Also, Tony h...
01:28:11 2022-01-31
Right up top, Johnny’s lighting sucks. He struggles to get his ring light set up while Tony fills time. A quick chat about Johnny’s need for control spurs the guys to diagnose each other’s mental issues, with a high degree of inaccuracy! Then they l...
01:09:22 2022-01-24
The Putrid Pair starts out complaining about the unreliability of Zoom, but then laments not investing in the app sooner, before it took off! Tony reveals that he was grumpy in Canada because there was no “comfortable seating” in his furnished apartme...
01:12:02 2022-01-17
An exemplary episode finds the chums lathered up about the titillating, old Nickelodeon show Hey Dude. Then, when they criticize a prestige movie, Johnny’s fears of being blacklisted are revealed, and Tony doubles down on his long-held assertion that Jo...
00:59:39 2022-01-10
This deeply-personal episode tips its hat to the Johnny’s Game Home Game winners before diving into an in-depth analysis of the inconsistencies running riot through Anthony’s arguably-spurious Mens Health article. The amigos discuss their jealousies o...
01:09:35 2022-01-03
The milestone 11th episode finds the lads discoursing on The Monkees, Jacquie Lawson e-cards, and their own tender relationships with masculinity. They discuss how their respective fathers feel about the podcast, and then they do a classic misunderstandin...
01:01:12 2021-12-27
A sort of mini-episode* designed to give us a break after that grueling, Christmas bullshit! No guest. No slickly-produced improv. Just Tony & Johnny, talking in a manner that will require less effort to produce. And that's all I care to say about it. *Th...
01:10:14 2021-12-20
Get ready for a classic Christmas episode! The first of what we assume will become some sort of obligatory, annual thing. Tony & Johnny are in a Christmas funk, and their gratitude sucks! When Santa proves “less than inspirational,” the plucky crew of...
01:07:03 2021-12-13
A heady episode finds the guys discussing the complexities of recycling, the failings of personal responsibility, and the nexus of politics, news media, and nostalgia. And guess what? They pretty much figure it all out. That is until Anthony becomes distr...
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