Devoting To Relationships Without Depending On Them For Our Self-Worth | with Dr Randy James - Melodie Beattie Part 3

Going without close relationships is like going without water. It dehydrates our life and ultimately we’ll die. A slow death of the soul. Yet when we rely on those relationships for our self worth we endure a similar death of the soul. It’s like needing water for life, but drowning in it. This is part 3 of my focus on Melody Beattie, legendary author of Codependent No More. Here I’m with my frequent co-host and dear friend, Randy James, Medical Doctor and Functional Medicine expert and we get real with how to grapple with this tension in our actual lives. A common perspective in close relationships, especially marriages and significant others, is a literal joining of lives. Where “two become one.” But how do we translate this? Is it two separate lives joining to live a new life together, or do the individuals disappear and all that exists are the lives in union? That’s one issue. Another is our self-worth, and the health and necessity to have it in and of ourselves. We naturally look to others to tell us of our worth, starting with our parents and early caregivers, then on to schoolmates, teachers and authority figures, but ultimately most of us land with a significant otherwise devote to and unfortunately, often rely on to give us all the affirmations, acceptance and approval we desire. And this is a recipe for failure. Then there is the issue of loving others. We all valiantly strive to serve and love others, yet generally miss loving ourselves. Can we truly love others more and beyond loving ourselves? It doesn’t generally pan out. This is our discussion and grappling today. The Self-Help(ful) podcast is brought to you by Ziglar, your premier source for equipping coaches to help leaders and top performers excel professionally and personally. Visit and let them inspire your true coaching performance. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit

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